I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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