you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
