All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
