you have to choose: penises or morals?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
