We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
