Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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