Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
