I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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