New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
