If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
