his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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