Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
