Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
