I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
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You. Win. At. Life.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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