I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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