I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
