and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If I die, sorry about rent.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
