I'm lost and stupid without you.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
