spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
