Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
