I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
