How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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