She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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