Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
