I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
