I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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