plz talk dirty to me
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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