We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
