Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I wish there were birth control emojis
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
