Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
