woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
then he tried to convert me to islam
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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