I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
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