Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
