Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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