my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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