Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
