I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Your dad touched me again.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
