Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you inspire me to be a worse person
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
