I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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