I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
