Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
