you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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