i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
