If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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