last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Never underestimate the power of titties
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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