One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
