just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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