I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
