Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
the room spins SO much faster in panama
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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