take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
