In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
