just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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