Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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