Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
