tell your sister to shave her snatch
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
