One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She's the barista slut.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
