She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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